Having read one or two (maybe three?) of the previous posts on this site, it may not surprise you to learn that your favourite Journeyman very recently spent some time in the loving care of Her Majesty’s Prison Service.
“Justice is served!” come the cries form the feministas. The conspiracy theorists did warn against trying to expose the Sons of Mithras. And the trolls on the UFO Disclosure forums were convinced that Journeyman wasn’t really in prison but rather it was all just a sensory illusion created by his alien abductors and prison was the only way to explain the constant anal probing.
Just to be clear, Journeyman was not convicted of any crimes but he spent a few months in prison anyway. Everybody has heard of the saying ‘Innocent until proven guilty’ but there’s a shit-taker of another concept called remand which means that if you’re not granted bail they can hold you in custody indefinitely until the date of your trial. Journeyman knows people who’ve been held on remand for so long that by the time their court date comes they just let the guy go because he’s served the sentence anyway. During his time in the correctional facility, Journeyman learnt a few things;
- Do NOT do the crime if you cannot do the time. Prison is full of innocent people. They are handing out crazy sentences for the tiniest of offences.
- Life in prison is not that bad. Journeyman can see why people keep going back. On the inside you’re fed (rather well), prisoners get a two-man shared en-suite room complete with a kettle and television, all of their medical needs are paid for and they don’t pay taxes. Most societies take better care of their convicts than they do of their poor. It really isn’t that bad once you get used to it. For the first few days Journeyman was crying himself to sleep and trying to figure out why the world hates him so much. About a week in he was seriously considered opening up a vein and letting go of this vain existence. But after a month had passed he told himself “Ah, fuck it. I can get used to this”. There was one guy he met who was so happy to be in prison that he’d do everybody else’s time if he could. He even met a guy who was serving his 28th conviction. 28 convictions! Broody fuck.
Here’s some advice for you should ever find yourself in the booth; Deny, Deny, Deny. When it comes to convicting a person of a crime there’s a kind of yard-stick that the jury follows. It goes as such:
Didn’t do it = not guilty
Could have done it = not guilty
Might have done it = not guilty
Probably did it = not guilty
Definitely did it = guilty
You can see why it’s so hard to get convictions. No matter what the evidence against you, be creative and anything can be explained away. Even if they have a written confession. And don’t fall for the prosecution’s promises of leniency if you plead guilty. Journeyman knows a guy who pleaded guilty to a trumped up charge out of fear. Usually you’re given a third off of your sentence for taking a guilty plea but the prosecution screwed him so he had to spend 4 years banged up before he could get out on license. Had he gone to trial and lost he would have had a longer sentence but only served 4 and a half years inside. The poor guy gave up his good chance of busting the case for a crummy six months off. But there also those who take joy in perverting the course of justice.
Ted Bundy was an infamous serial rapist and murderer which is why it makes people uncomfortable when Journeyman mentions that he admires this man. But it is not his deeds that Journeyman admires, it’s his mind. This man, like most other psychopaths, was brilliant. When the police finally caught up to him they were convinced that they had enough for a conviction. They had his fingerprints at the crime scenes, his DNA on the women and even his teeth marks on some of his victims. The trial went on for months and towards the end it became clear that the jury was not convinced. They just could not believe that this gentle, charming and unassuming man could do such a thing. But a few days before the verdict came in he escaped custody and did it again.
Meh, nobody’s perfect.
Side Note- Free Awet! Awet has been sitting in lock-up for a good two years AFTER the end of his sentence just because the Home Office isn’t sure of his immigration status. They’d rather have him in prison than do their damn jobs. Yes, he fucked up but he’s served his time and there is no reason why he shouldn’t have his freedom back.
Super Side Note- Journeyman would like to thank everyone who stuck by him through that trying time in his life. He never would have made it through without your love and support. Big ups to his crackshot legal team too. Thank you.